weird as it seems, she has that creep Dr. Madden to thank for it; he’s the one that opened her eyes. Ryan urges her not to sell herself short, but Julia thinks she’s been telling herself a lie that was way worse than anything Madden said to her. She’s tried to hide from it by partying and drinking and having one-night stands, but those were all just temporary fixes that made her feel worse, not better. Then she threw herself into wanting to be a mom, but she sees now that none of those things can ever make it go away, and she can’t use an innocent child to cover up what a horrible person she is. Ryan asks how she can possibly say that about herself? Julia cries that she killed a man, robbed him of his life, and tricked herself into believing a child could somehow erase that. She was wrong. Bringing a new life into this world can never replace the one that she took, and a child should never have to bear that responsibility. She has to face the truth, “I murdered a man, and that will never go away.” Ryan says that’s what this is all about, the New York crime boss that held her and Di captive. Julia sighs he wasn’t just some headline in a paper, he had a name, Garret Williams, and he was a human being. No matter how bad a person he was, he didn’t deserve to die. Ryan protests he killed her husband, and would have killed her and Di if she hadn’t got him first, but Julia cries it wasn’t self-defense! He was on the ground, and had no weapon. He couldn’t have overpowered her. He was defenseless at that moment. She could have had Di tie him up, she could have called the cops, she could have made a million other choices than what she did. She chose to pull the trigger, to watch him suffer and die. Ryan understands why she has guilt over the decision she made, but doesn’t she see how sadistic it is for Madden to take that guilt and slam her with it? When Julia argues he was right, Ryan insists that’s what he does! He finds a woman’s weak spot, and uses it against them. Madden isn’t God, and doesn’t get to decide what’s right or wrong, who gets punished or rewarded, who gets to have children and who doesn’t. Julia insists the things he told her are all true. Ryan says the God he knows forgives; He doesn’t say she doesn’t get to have a future with a child because of a horrible mistake she made in her past. She deserves to have children, to be happy—don’t let Greg Madden take that away from her! Julia wipes at her tears as Ryan says she doesn’t have to keep running, “You’re home.” There’s no denying that Madden is very good at getting into somebody’s head without them knowing he was ever there. Julia says he read her soul. How did he know what skeleton in her closet to rattle? How did he know where to find that, what to say? Ryan thinks he’s had a lot of practice, but they can stop him. Julia takes a deep breath and says she has to go; she’ll be fine. She leaves the hospital, and goes to church to make her confession.
YOU CAN SAFELY HAND YOUR BABY OVER TO ME…
Zach intercepts Erica on her way into Greg’s room, saying Kendall is in there with him. Erica declares if he thinks she’s going to stay out here… Zach catches her and asks, “Please don’t.”
Kendall gasps as she asks if she could be more selfish or inconsiderate? Here he is, laid up in a hospital bed, and she pours all of her problems on him, making it all about her! She’s sorry, and takes back everything she said. Well, she still wants to put her son up for adoption, but they don’t have to talk about this here and now. She starts to leave, but Greg tells her not to go. From the very beginning, he’s been nothing but honest with her, and only wants what’s best for her and this child. If she’s made the decision to give the child up for adoption, he wants to know beyond any shadow of a doubt it is the right decision, “You can safely hand your baby over to me.” Kendall says she wants her baby to have the best life possible, and he’s the person that can make that happen. Greg’s honored that she has that much confidence in him, and will do his best to meet her expectations. But, he’s a little confused, because the last time they spoke, she was a long way away from making a decision about her baby’s future. Kendall protests she told him what she wants to do, and doesn’t see why the reasons matter. Greg knows she felt he put pressure on her to put the baby up for adoption and doesn’t want her to make this choice against her better judgment, but Kendall says it wasn’t him. Greg needs to be certain this is her choice and her choice alone. Kendall sighs the only choice she has when it comes to the future of her son is bad and worse. This isn’t a choice, it’s her only option. When he asks how Ryan feels about this, Kendall admits Ryan doesn’t know yet.
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